I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
