Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My breasts were aching with rage.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
