My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize