too bad you live with your parents still
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
