Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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