found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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