I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
