Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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