The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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