my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just threw up on my dentist
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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