I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize