Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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