very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
