Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
