just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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