After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
