I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
too bad you live with your parents still
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
