Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
