That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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