The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
