i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
