Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
