She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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