flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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