My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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