So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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