No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
