I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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