Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
