can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
