oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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