I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've blown a few things in my day
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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