i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize