True but thats because hes a fetus.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
