have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
