hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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