is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
