You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
