I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
