hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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