after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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