Can Purell be used as lube?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
