it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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