Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
