I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
