Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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