Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
