her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
