This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
