Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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