if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
