I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
