She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
