And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize