how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
