Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
