I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude i'm inner monologue high
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
