i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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