Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
