Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
