where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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