I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
