ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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